I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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