We won't sleep together?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
