I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
