I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
