I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
