I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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