3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
