Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
