her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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