i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
