Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
