Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
