Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
