We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
