i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
