the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
