I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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