do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
