Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
