Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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