Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
