So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
