so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
