I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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