ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
