Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
