I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
