Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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