they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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