The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
