my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
