my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
