His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
