i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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