I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I looked at my own cervix.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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