Im at strip club and am horny
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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