not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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