Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
