I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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