its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
