the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
