Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
