Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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