I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
