He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
