I want to walk on stilts...naked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
