He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
