Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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