there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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