I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
