i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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