how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
