I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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